Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Come a little closer

From today, Will Farrell as United States President George W. Bush and John Lovitz as Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. This is a must-read. A sample:

America: We hereby declare ourselves open to discussions with Iran.

Iran: Excellent. Hey, America...why don't you come a little closer?

America: All right. Is this close enough?

Iran: Perfect.

America: Now, the first matter on our agenda is AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH! I'm crippled by indescribable agony! Why did you do that?

Iran: Do what?

America: You... you just kicked me in the crotch!

Iran: That's one interpretation of events, but History will be the true judge.

America: I can't negotiate with people who kick me in the crotch!

Iran: Surely, America -- the modern colossus, the new Rome, the sole superpower -- can stand to be kicked in the crotch once in a while. Surely, American magnanimity can allow a humble upstart nation a single, one-shot kick to the groin.

America: Well, okay, but promise not to do it again.

Iran: I promise. Come a little closer, why don't you?

America: All right. Now, turning to the AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH! My...God! It burns! It burns with the heat of a thousand suns frying my innards! You broke your promise!

Iran: We understood our promise to be hortatory, rather than binding.

Now that is one of the great all-time most useful weasel-wording lines I've ever seen! More at!

No comments: