Thursday, December 07, 2006

I love stories like this, LXXIX

The headline for this article isn't punchy enough: "Student sues over 10-day suspension". Here's how it should read: "Principal needs narc, blackmails student, student sues". I'm sure the New York Daily News or the U. K. Sun could do a better job with the headline than I can.

The point is, a Sissonville, WV, high school student was clowning around for a friend with a cell phone video camera. He pretended to insert a piece of candy up his nose. Calvin McKinney, the principal of this GOvernment-FUnded Compulsory-Attendance Secondary Matriculation (makes an interesting acronym, n'est-ce pas?) compound, got wind of the stunt and
threatened to suspend the student unless he joined McKinney’s “Narc Program” and went undercover to find real drug users at the school. [He] was told that he was to ‘hang around the bathroom’ and the school parking lot.

McKinney’s investigation into the incident confirmed that the student was telling the truth about the Smarties candy, according to the suit.

“The plaintiff was informed that even though it was, in fact, just candy ... McKinney needed another ‘Narc’ for his program and that if the student would not agree to enter said Narc Program that he would be suspended

Egad! It was a piece of candy, a Smartie. The kid refused to co-operate and so, true to his word, McKinney suspended him for ten days.
The suit seeks an injunction against the school board and unspecified monetary damages for emotional distress, loss of enjoyment of life and the loss of a potential scholarship. It contends that requiring the student to seek out potential drug users could put the student in danger.

I think if that happened to my kid, I'd park myself outside the principal's office and, in a loud, steady voice, declare that he was an over-educated, pusillanimous, puff-gutted prig and that he should do the school district a favor and resign.

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