I haven't gotten one lately, but I haven't forgotten folks like Mariam Abacha and her ilk. The memories all came flooding back to me when I found The Third Annual Nigerian Email Conference site and the "Official Conference Proceedings" site:
The 3rd Annual NigerianEMail Conference
"Write better emails. Make more moneys."
* OFFICIAL CONFERENCE PROCEEDINGS *
I AM DR. ABOLO EMMANUEL THE CHIEF ACCOUNTING OFFICER OF A BANK. THE FINANCIAL STATEMENT OF OUR BANK IS OVER US$130,000,000.00 (ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) AND THE CURRENT ASSETS OF OUR BANK IS RELATIVELY LIQUID RESOURCES.
I HAVE ATTENDED THE FAMOUS NIGERIAN EMAIL CONFERENCE WITH ZEAL, AND I HEREBY SUBMIT A DETAILED SUMMARY OF THIS MOST WORTHWHILE ANNUAL EVENT. WHAT I REPORT IS HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL AND REQUIRES UTMOST URGENCY.
I AM A VERY RESPONSIBLE AND RELIABLE MAN.
I'M SURE HE IS!! (nudge, nudge, wink, wink!)
The Conference site has a "Preliminary List of Events" that contains such gems as:
- Breakfast Kickoff Session:Your choice: A hard boiled egg, or two slices of white bread and a cricket.
- Keynote Address:Dr. Hamza Kalu's adds some historical perspective in his keynote address: "From Postal Scams To Email Scams: We Have Come a Long Way Infant Child."
- Debate:Attend a lively debate between Lady Mariam Abacha and Mr. Godwin Oyathelem. Topic: "The effectiveness of using all UPPERCASE characters."
- Practical Discussion:Mallam Mahmud Abacah answers the question, "Are 10 million emails a day too many?"
- Competition:Other countries are now adapting our business. Is this a threat or an opportunity?
There are helpful tips, too, for the conference attendee:
Only 575 rooms are available, so make sure you register early!
Amenities* include a bar, a barber shop, running water (hot AND cold), free parking, and a free newspaper (except for weekends).
Spouses are invited, although they may not attend the conference sessions. Spouses must spend the day in their hotel room watching TV (two channels are available, and one is not cartoons).
Oh, and did you see that asterisk (*) after “Amenities” above? Here's the note:
* Restrooms are available in the hotel. Please use them.
Must have been a sweet conference!
Just for fun, check out this brilliant spoof on the Nigeria scam.