Can't beat Taranto for extending puns

From OpinionJournal.com's Tuesday Best of the Web Today feature comes this gem:

Of Course You Realize This Means War

"A 46-year-old man is accused of assaulting his wife with a carrot, causing her to lose sight in one eye," reports the Associated Press from Monroe, Conn.:

Pamela Vecsey, 46, underwent six outs [sic] of surgery after being hit in the left eye with the vegetable Saturday night, but doctors were not able to restore her vision, prosecutor Stephanie Damiani said.

The couple was arguing when Roderick Vecsey tossed the carrot, Damiani said.

It is a scandal that thanks to the carrot lobby, Americans--even the mentally ill, convicted criminals and stalkers--are able to buy these dangerous weapons without so much as a license or background check. We need carrot control! It's the only way to deal with crime at its roots.