Recent commentary: How about those illegal immigrants?

How should the nation handle illegal immigration?

(published 5-Dec-2005, Appleton Post-Crescent)

Ask the people that hire Central Americans to do yard work. You can't hire an American for even twice as much money who will do even half as much work even half as well. So, an illegal is worth 8 times as much as an American, at least when it comes to yard work. But what to do about them? It was different when Ellis Island was the main entry point. Now they come by boat from Cuba and Haiti, over the Rio Grande from Mexico, and over Niagra Falls from Canada. No, wait! There aren't any illegal immigrants from Canada! Maybe if we shipped all of the illegals to Canada they'd stay there since, clearly, Canada is a very nice place. OK, here’s what to do. All funding for bi-lingual education should be cut off, English declared the official language, and all government business should be conducted in English.