Monday, August 01, 2005

Recent commentary: Advice to collitch stoonts

What advice would you give college-bound teenagers?

(published 1-Aug-2005, Appleton Post-Crescent)

One word: Wapatuli! College is the perfect laboratory for determining whether you actually CAN mix sloe gin and Mad Dog 20-20. Just don’t come crying to me because a hangover made you miss a final. But I suppose you want advice on college in general. (sigh!) All right. The theory is that you’ve got enough brains to know that high-paying jobs don’t grow on trees and that a Wall Street investment house or top-notch engineering firm won’t hire you because of your wardrobe. Just find the easiest-grading professors you can and remember two words: student evaluations. Don’t worry if you can’t multiply 6 x 7 or write your name in cursive. Most colleges offer bonehead ... I mean, remedial math and English. Hey! They need the tuitions. Oh, and figure out how to pay for your Adderall yourself. Mumsy and Dadsy can’t foot the bill any more. Like, you’re an adult, eh?

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