Sunday, August 28, 2005
A prayer for New Orleans
Lord please guard the people of Louisiana and Mississippi as Hurricane Katrina approaches. Most especially, Lord, watch over those people trying to escape the city of New Orleans. I don't know what will come of this storm in terms of human suffering, but please bring those who perish into your arms. As for those who survive please open the hearts of all Americans and make our generosity overflow. I know that that will be the simplest of your jobs in the next week, Lord. What will be tougher is tending to the immediate needs of the survivors. Their homes will most likely be gone. They will have lost loved ones. They will have a hard time getting medical attention if they are injured or sick. They will have no jobs to go to. Please draw us closer together with them through you, Lord Jesus. Amen.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Recent commentary: HS memories
What's your favorite memory from high school?
(published 22-Aug-2005, Appleton Post-Crescent)
Memories, plural. Getting in on yearbook pictures with clubs that I either didn't belong to or that weren't officially recognized. Scarfing three regular pretzels in less than a minute -- without water -- to get an ‘A' for the quarter in junior trig. Getting to play with a 45 pound Singer-Friden programmable calculator in senior statistics class. This was 1969. Like, no confusers, eh? Concocting smelly esters in organic chemistry class. Going to the Chicago Art Institute by train with the senior art class. Realizing that I had enough credits to graduate after my junior year and that I could fritter away my senior year in self-indulgent pursuits. Cast parties. Hearing about "The Lord of the Rings" for the first time in sophomore English class. Getting kicked out of senior English. Going on dates in my parents' car and leaving footprints on the inside of the windows from ... well, you know!
(published 22-Aug-2005, Appleton Post-Crescent)
Memories, plural. Getting in on yearbook pictures with clubs that I either didn't belong to or that weren't officially recognized. Scarfing three regular pretzels in less than a minute -- without water -- to get an ‘A' for the quarter in junior trig. Getting to play with a 45 pound Singer-Friden programmable calculator in senior statistics class. This was 1969. Like, no confusers, eh? Concocting smelly esters in organic chemistry class. Going to the Chicago Art Institute by train with the senior art class. Realizing that I had enough credits to graduate after my junior year and that I could fritter away my senior year in self-indulgent pursuits. Cast parties. Hearing about "The Lord of the Rings" for the first time in sophomore English class. Getting kicked out of senior English. Going on dates in my parents' car and leaving footprints on the inside of the windows from ... well, you know!
Monday, August 01, 2005
Recent commentary: Advice to collitch stoonts
What advice would you give college-bound teenagers?
(published 1-Aug-2005, Appleton Post-Crescent)
One word: Wapatuli! College is the perfect laboratory for determining whether you actually CAN mix sloe gin and Mad Dog 20-20. Just don’t come crying to me because a hangover made you miss a final. But I suppose you want advice on college in general. (sigh!) All right. The theory is that you’ve got enough brains to know that high-paying jobs don’t grow on trees and that a Wall Street investment house or top-notch engineering firm won’t hire you because of your wardrobe. Just find the easiest-grading professors you can and remember two words: student evaluations. Don’t worry if you can’t multiply 6 x 7 or write your name in cursive. Most colleges offer bonehead ... I mean, remedial math and English. Hey! They need the tuitions. Oh, and figure out how to pay for your Adderall yourself. Mumsy and Dadsy can’t foot the bill any more. Like, you’re an adult, eh?
(published 1-Aug-2005, Appleton Post-Crescent)
One word: Wapatuli! College is the perfect laboratory for determining whether you actually CAN mix sloe gin and Mad Dog 20-20. Just don’t come crying to me because a hangover made you miss a final. But I suppose you want advice on college in general. (sigh!) All right. The theory is that you’ve got enough brains to know that high-paying jobs don’t grow on trees and that a Wall Street investment house or top-notch engineering firm won’t hire you because of your wardrobe. Just find the easiest-grading professors you can and remember two words: student evaluations. Don’t worry if you can’t multiply 6 x 7 or write your name in cursive. Most colleges offer bonehead ... I mean, remedial math and English. Hey! They need the tuitions. Oh, and figure out how to pay for your Adderall yourself. Mumsy and Dadsy can’t foot the bill any more. Like, you’re an adult, eh?
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